My Lack of Words.

I have been looking to the right on my WordPress Dashboard everyday, feeling a little bad about all the posts I have written lately but haven’t posted. Most of them are of the same thing, but with different wording and explaining why I really haven’t been writing lately. I’m sure some people have noticed, not only haven’t I been active here, but in my correspondence as well. If you have sent me an email lately, and I didn’t or haven’t gotten back to you, I apologize here and now. I really haven’t been *here* lately, while I am physically here, mentally I’m elsewhere. Swimming in thoughts, ideas, and regrettably, work.
To keep my mind rather active, I’ve been engrossing myself with learning the new C-130J-30′s we have been getting in, doing crossword puzzles and reading (yes, I’ve started reading again). It helps to keep my mind active and lively and keep it from straying.
If you haven’t read my Twitter or Facebook statuses, I made Staff Sergeant, so now I’m in upgrade training for a year. It’s kind of weird to think about when you get down to it. I took a bubble sheet test on the Air Force as a whole and my score was high enough that they thought to promote me. I’m not gonna complain, I’ll take the extra money and responsibility (even though I don’t want the bullshit that goes with it ), and do what I need to do.
I have two big medical appointments on the 30th of September and the 7th of October, I hope that nothing bad is wrong with me, but sometimes with my active mind, it wonders.
Those posts on the right I talked about earlier, well, the reason I was quiet lately is because I don’t really know how or what to say. I went to the doctor a few weeks ago because I was concerned about my memory issues, the spasms I have, the incredible headaches, occasional numbness, my seemingly obsessive behavior and my dyslexia. We talked for an hour or so getting a pretty solid medical history and get a decent family history. There is a family history of brain abnormalities on both sides, so we agreed upon a MRI, a visit to the eye doctor, some blood work and other things to ensure that this is something that isn’t misdiagnosed.
I love my brain, I love how my ideas are formed, how creative it can be. If it’s broken, I’d want it fixed . I’d want me back to relative normal.
Blood work was normal, nothing out of the ordinary.
Eye check was okay, vision is slightly worse but nothing to be concerned about.
MRI… Well, that’s a bit tricky. One of my medical appointments is with Neurology up at the hospital and the other is with my doctor about the results. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, if there is. But right now I’m stuck in limbo.
I tried to process my crosstraining paperwork, but I can’t. I don’t know if it was the fact I had a MRI or if something is wrong, but it was rejected with the reason of me being medically classed 4k. Basically it means that I have to face a MEB/PEB (Medical/Physical Evaluation Board), I think.
I’m not too concerned about it, I was at first, because I don’t want out. I like this, I like where I’m at and where I’m going. So you better believe that this is something I’m gonna fight.
During my internal battle with the possibility of something wrong, work, trying to get my portfolio up, and basically trying to enjoy life, I grew silent. And in the near future I still might be somewhat quiet. I’ll be posting photos on Flickr and blogging the good ones to here, letting them do the talking for me.

I’m *here*, but mentally… I’m *there*.